“Peter, I know that Marco has David’s red light saber, but Marco can play with it for ten minutes and then you can have it for ten minutes. Besides, you have your green one, and your cousin, Ian’s, blue one.”

“David, can you please take a break from wearing the Spiderman costume, it’s just too difficult to take off every time you have to go to the bathroom.”

“Joey, be careful when you’re swinging your saber around your brothers, that’s how Daddy got the black eye.” “

Marco, when you’re directing today’s combat drama, please include penalties for violating the rules of safety, according to your mother.”

“Okay, boys, I’m going inside to take a shower. Be safe, have fun and don’t come in and get me unless you think we need to call 911.”

We have boys. We not only have our four, but often a playmate, and at least one of the eight male cousins, to add to the testosterone. We have every weapon in every shape and color you can imagine--light sabers, swords, knives and guns, as well as every super hero costume--Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Zorro, Power Ranger, and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

After the birth of our first boy, Marco, we had to decide whether or not we would even ALLOW toy guns in the house. However, one day we couldn’t find the letter L from the alphabet puzzle and discovered that two-year old Marco had fashioned it into a nifty, miniature pistol. The true birth of a little boy had begun. And now eight years later, little boy Marco has discovered that guns can be an art form.
 
“Mom look, it’s a decoration for my room,” shared my excited son.

“Lovely,” I replied as he showed me an old Avon glass cologne bottle with flaking metal paint, in the shape of a pistol. I looked at his prize bought at a garage sale for two bucks, knowing it would “disappear” in a couple of months.

But, my husband, Dan tells me, “Don’t worry; it’s not what they hold in their hands that matters, but what they hold in their hearts.”  

The Mother Goose nursery rhyme asks a simple question, “What are little boys made of?” The answer, “Snakes and snails, and puppy-dogs’ tails, and that’s what little boys are made of.”

Then we’re told that, “Little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice.”
But I’ve met some girls who are pretty “spicy,” so I’m sticking with my boys, thank you very much.

I have observed that boys tend to be more adventurous and like the things that the outdoors and wilderness can provide, like snakes and snails...and worms.  When the army worm plague came to International Falls there were millions of worms that covered the entire town and rural areas.

It was anarchy. It was disgusting. Our boys decided to take some of these worms into our home and have an “army farm.” I eventually had to put my foot down and I did...on the worms. 
 
The Greek philosopher, Plato, wrote more than 2,300 years ago, “Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable,” and I would like to add, “dangerous.” As an infant, our son Peter was fascinated with electric appliances. His first word was “vacuum.” When he became upset, all we needed to do was run the vacuum and he would calm right down. When Peter was two he found the iron, plugged it in, and burned a perfect triangle into the downstairs carpet. I’m sure he wanted to see if it would make a cool whirring sound. I read that boys tend to be risk takers and will take a chance if they think the danger is worth the risk as opposed to their female counterparts. I, as their mother, run a risk each day, making sure I can keep them alive through childhood.

In my “mom research and observation,” I’ve noticed that boys express themselves physically rather than emotionally, when either upset or overjoyed. And because of this physical expression, mothers who have raised both sons and daughters told me that their boys have been the easier gender to handle. Of course, the early years are crazy when one has boys because they are bouncing all over the place...or swinging from things like Tarzan, as was the case with my friend Robin’s twin boys, Josh and Tyler.

When her boys were just two, Robin went outside to check on something in her garden. Five minutes later she walked back into the house and saw Josh swinging from the light fixture above the kitchen table. He was an agile, small little guy and the cords holding the fixture to the ceiling held him as well, providing him with a morning thrill and presenting a delightful show for his twin brother, who was laughing and clapping his hands. When Robin arrived on the scene she was neither delighted nor humored.

Little girls tend to have quiet tea parties and “play house” and light sabers usually aren’t involved. But...when the teenage years hit, this is where boys are the easier bunch to handle, especially for mothers. Boys usually can be reasoned with and they seem to better accept the consequences for unacceptable behavior and a punching bag in the garage really works wonders for letting off steam.

Girls, on the other hand, tend to be more emotional when confronted with an issue or when a proposal of theirs doesn’t go their way. My niece Heather, who just hit her teens, is an articulate, bright, and very mature young lady. Nevertheless, she is the more dramatic and emotional one living in the home with her four brothers. Although her brothers shared a room with each other and she had her own, she still felt entitled to have another private space to call her own.

“Maybe something could be fixed up in the garage or the old play house could be converted to fit my needs,” she offered.

When her mother explained this wasn’t a reasonable request she slammed the door to her room and cried, “Nobody cares about me, nobody understands me, and nobody loves me.”

An hour later she was fine. Now I realize there are always exceptions to the gender stereotype. But from my own experience as well as talking with other mothers living in the Icebox, this is the general consensus: Boys are constantly moving and girls are constantly emoting. And it is because of this constant motion and busyness that little boys tend to be more difficult in the early years and then as they grow older it gets a little easier. Little girls start out full of “sugar and nice,” but as their hormones kick in they become more emotional and “spicier” and thus are more difficult in the later years.

Of course stable and consistent parenting help with both genders but as a mother to boys my role has been more of a comforter/encourager and it’s probably because of this input that I have their complete loyalty. My husband is a role model for our boys and an example of what it means to be a man and have strength of character as well as that certain “male toughness.” He has a tender heart for our boys but he is also a little stricter with them than I. He wants a girl so he can pamper, cuddle and comfort her.

He frequently makes girl baby requests, “We need to have a girl so I have someone on my side”, he laments.  I completely understand this. But, I’ve decided...we’re sticking with boys.

One of my favorite cartoons that stays planted on my refrigerator year after year is from the New Yorker Magazine. It is a simple drawing of two little people, a boy and a girl who are standing at a distance from one another at a playground. The balloon above the little girl says, “I wonder if I should ask him to play?” And the balloon above the little boy reads, “I wonder if I should kick her?” Perhaps this cartoon presents a more accurate picture of “what little girls and boys are made of.”
 
There are some simple and basic things I love about having boys. I love that they need only three pairs of shoes year round—the dress shoe, the tennis shoe and the sport sandal. I recently went on a five day trip to Florida and when I arrived in Miami I promptly unpacked my suitcase...out came 13 pairs of shoes.

Every morning before my boys leave for the school bus I open the kitchen cupboard and reach for the spray bottle and comb which sit next to the peanut butter—two squirts and a side part and they are out the door. For me, their mother, every day is a new hair day adventure, with decisions on whether I will cut, color or highlight my strands that week.
 
When we travel from International Falls to “anywhere” there is usually a lengthy stretch of highway where there is not a place to stop and use a restroom. For me to squat by the side of the road seems indecent but for my boys (husband included) to stand in a neat little row to relieve themselves seems...convenient. 
 
I’m high maintenance and I really don’t think we could afford another female in the house, at least one like me. Besides, I don’t want my hormones competing with a daughter. And I admit, I don’t want another female in the house because I’m selfish and I’m not willing to share my crown with a little princess. I decided I really only wanted a girl for the dress-up and the companionship, and that’s what a granddaughter and daughter-in-law are for. I say, “Let someone else have the years of emotion and drama provided by the typical female.” I pray my boys will provide me with my girls someday. In the meantime, I’ll be handing them light sabers so they can release their energy and frustrations on a more physical level. My motto, “All’s well that ends well.”

I understand the awesome responsibility of raising boys. My husband and I want to raise our boys to be men of integrity and honor. We want them to be caring and compassionate, but with our culture’s increasingly hostile attacks on the notion of masculinity, we are mindful of what it takes to raise not only sensitive males, but also strong, masculine leaders. As Christina Hoff Sommers says in her book, The War against Boys, “We have forgotten a simple truth: The energy, competitiveness, and corporal daring of normal, decent males is responsible for much of what is right in the world.”

Dan and I want to raise men who would be willing to fight for their country, fight for truth and what is right, fight for their families, and for their princesses (future wives). John Eldredge writes in his book entitled, Wild at Heart, “that deep in a man’s heart he longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.” As with everything, it’s about balance. And sometimes that’s hard while living in the “Icebox” with the expectation of boys being about “puppy-dog tails” and girls being “everything nice.” Nevertheless, Joey wants to join dance again next year. In fact, he told me he wants to be in dance a total of five years. But I think I understand his reasons for making this choice. Joey discovered that: 1) any dancer who makes a five year commitment to dance will receive a big, beautiful trophy--Joey likes the challenge 2) there are no other boys in the company--Joey likes the attention and 3) there aren’t any dance moves he can’t master--Joey’s good at it. So despite dance being a “girl’s activity,” the boy in Joey really shines through.

I do believe that “boys will be boys.” And while holding that belief along with all the adventures, snakes, snails and worms that go with it, I also believe there’s some “sugar and nice” that make up my boys as well. They may fight each other, (in reality and make-believe) but they are also able to comfort and defend one another. They have a passion for life that makes me want to take risks, seek adventure and love others. I am proud to wear the crown as queen to four little princes who fight; find adventure and love...especially me, their mother.

Yes, having boys is a good thing—a very good thing.